Day 52

Dear babies
Since I'm not drinking and not using I need to learn different ways to handle stress. It was always drugs and drinking, no matter if I'm happy, sad depressed or stressed I drank and used, I emailed a family that I thought would be perfect for you boys and I had to wait a while to hear back from them and I was super anxious and stressed. I felt like they were perfect but didn't want to be judged, I didn't want them to think I was a scammer and waiting for them to email me back was so stressful.
Well, after not sleeping much last night I woke up to an email. I was upfront and honest with them, I told them what id done in the past, the story of my life and we've emailed back a few times this morning, they sent me pictures of their family, their house and their dog. They have a room already, the walls were chocolate brown ( my favorite) and big enough for two cribs! They told me, " the past is the past you can only change the future". So true.
I am excited I said I'm 95 % sure I want to place them but I still have that little doubt in my mind, maybe I always will but I truly think this is what's best for you, be it with this family or another they can truly give you what I can't.
Now I'm anxious and excited and I'm dealing with it in ways I never imagined. I'm reading old gossip magazines that are left laying around, taking walks, going to yoga, write to my babies and making new friends.
More to come:)
Mommy