Day 39

Dear Babies
Today was the hardest day yet. I woke up thinking what am I going to do. I'm always thinking this, today I went to a meeting, mommy needs her meetings they re 12 step meetings for drugs and alcohol. I pray I don't pass this addictive personality onto you both. See, almost everyone in our family has this problem. My mom is in prison, I found out today she gets out next month, I have no idea where My dad is but last I knew prison as well. My sister is like me but has not gone through rehab. She has kids but I don't see them or her much anymore. My brother has practically disowned me and understandably so.
I have not proven much to him to myself or anyone, I have yet to graduate highschool and don't have a relationship with my family. I am so lucky to be meeting amazing sober women where I'm at. They are an inspiration. I had a hard time today I went to my meetings and saw my brother. It's hard seeing him he doesn't trust I can do this and I want to prove it to him, only time will show this but I'm impatient.
Sundays are hard a lot of people here go to see their families and my brother saw me but didn't give me a hug goodbye and was very standoffish, I don't blame him we barely have a relationships he won't let me see his kids ( ages 6 months, 4 and 7) and his wife wants nothing to do with me. It's sad, Sundays are family days and all I saw was my brother for a few hours with no hug or nothing really fun about it. We talked and it was hard. We talked about growing up and I wanted to know how he turned out so good and I didn't, he didn't have an answer and neither do I. However I know I can't focus on the negative I must focus on the positives, I'm clean sober and building a new relationship with my brother. I have two amazing healthy babies in me that will have an amazing life no matter what I decide. I can't wait to find out if your boys or girls tomorrow super excited!
You both have made me want pizza so once again it was pizza night, pepperoni is our favorite apparently, and no we didn't eat the whole thing however by the end of the night we just may.
Love you both!
Mommy