Dearest baby boys,
It's Friday night and I'm sitting in my room. I could go to a bar, I could go do drugs, I could go dancing, but those are my triggers and I need to stay away from bars, drugs and dancing, bars make me drink, which leads to me dancing and making bad decisions. Drugs, well we know I can't do those.
Friday nights have changed for me and that's thanks to you boys, a typical Friday night used to be coming home from work in the afternoon either drinking or using, then going out. I'd continue to drink at a bar, friends house, the street in the car any where I could. I did drug deals in alleys and bathrooms I'd stay up all night and start again or I'd pass out at a strangers wake up and drink away the pain.
Tonight?
Well I'm proud to say, I went to a yoga class ( at the place I live), went to an AA and NA meeting and am journaling because I want to do other things. I, about to read some magazines, take a bath and maybe call a friend.
I have met so many new friends, they are so awesome. Some have been sober And clean for years others months, weeks or a couple days but we all have the same intentions health happiness and sobriety.
I love the housing I'm in, it's transitional housing it is part of the rehab program I was in. It's filled with women, kids, and dogs even comes and say hello. I get the therapy I need, the meetings I now live for, the education and support on pregnancy and adoption. I also get help for getting my GEF I never thought I'd get it.
I have the best roommate ever, she is due with a girl April 4th, she is going to have her and move to the next step of the program, another housing facility. I'm going to miss her so much, she will be placing her baby with what sounds like an amazing family and I'm so happy for her, We had a baby shower for her here today not with presents or food, we can't afford them but wrote letters to her baby, we wrote letters to the baby in 18 years, and we wrote what we love about mommy to be, those are our baby showers, inspirational. Our baby showers arnt about gifts or food it's about friendship and celebration, it's about ways to stay sober and be a great mom. Everything will be put into a scrap book for the mom to be.
I can't wait for mine, these showers it doesn't matter if you keep your babies or not and I love that. I never thought I'd get a baby shower I'm not sure who would throw it but my new friends will!
I'm loving my new life and I love you both.
Mommy
Hi Lila,
ReplyDeleteMy name is Jessica. I have almost 4 years clean and a came across your blog on babycenter. I am also in recovery. I feel like I'm suppose to help you or get to know you so I'd like to leave you my email address on here. I'd go into more but I can't figure out how to send you a direct email so please email me at jessicawryter@gmail.com if you aren't freaked out lol. I just want to say I'm proud of you. The basic text says any day clean for an addict is a successful day regardless of what else happens. You're doing a great job!
As I read this I find myself in tears. Not tears of sadness but tears of happiness for you and all the people you have touched with your words. You have a gift of writing and expressing your self to help others
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure of your planning on an open adoption but of so as your boys get older they can read this. This journal wil allow your boys to see the process you went through and the reason you chose to make a birth plan. I am so happy you found the right fit with an adoptive family and I look forward to following you on your journey with both your recovery and watching the beautiful process of adoption
Thankyou for your words but most of all thank you for your honesty